A strange desire

What do you want? First you call me up asking me to come over and then when I do you send me back?

I'm sorry. I just wanted to be alone.

So why did you call me up?

Because I...

I didn't know what to say. I was so confused myself. It felt as if all that I'd gone through had shaken me so bad that my mind and heart had lost contact. I wanted things and I didn't want them. And I don't know what I was supposed to do about it.

See? You don't know what to say. That's because you don't deserve friends. You like hurting people. And I'm sorry but I can't take this anymore.

Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry alright? Please don't leave me alone like Kate and...

You know what? Now I understand why they left you and like it or not, I think they actually made the right choice.

She hung up on me. The words she hurled at me echoed in my mind. I knew I hurt people but none of that was my fault.

My sister's accident had left me so broken that I could hardly make out what I actually wished for. And no one was there to tell me everything was going to be fine. No one had the time to lend me a shoulder to cry on. Everyone was just so lost in their own realm of sorrow. Mom, Dad...everyone. There wasn't anyone beside me. Just a strange feeling: I wanted to be alone yet I didn't want to be.